We often make the assumption that having a purpose or a mission in life is a path that’s meant to be rosy or it’s a path full of bliss. But in reality it’s not. And this is why most people give up when they suddenly meet an obstacle in their path. They make the mistake of thinking that motivation as well as the fulfillment their purpose provided initially will be there in perpetuity—a rookie mistake. Let me tell you plainly:
A time will come when your mission becomes mundane. A time will come when it stresses the shit out of you. A time will come when you won’t have any good results to show for your hard work.
This is why you must fall in love with the PROCESS more than the destination (or reward). Like Paolo Coelho said “Everyday is a journey and the journey itself is home”. Eureka! The process or the journey should be your home and not the reward (or destination).
When the process becomes your home, it will be hard for you to give up because the dopamine hit you get from doing the work is far far greater than the one you get when your hard work is plucking good results. To put it in a more simpler way:
The guy who has an ardent passion for the work, will go further or will achieve greater things opposed to the dude who loves the good result more than the work that must be done —or required—to get it.
This is why a small number of the masses are better in terms of finances and health. This outliers have found a secret ingredient to success that has eluded most people:
They are madly in love with the process much much more than the destination.
This golden rule also holds sway in the dating market. The guy who loves the process of getting with a woman will always have more success with women compared to the guy who loves the dopamine destination.
This is because the guy who loves the process will never come across as needy. He loves and so much enjoys the PROCESS required to get a woman into his bed to the extent that he practices his game on different women (whether ugly or beautiful, young or old) even though it won’t lead anywhere. Game is his nature, seething through his veins; something he is unapologetic about.
That said, how can one develop love for the process more than the destination?
We are all different in that there’s no exact way or system or formula for an individual to fall in love with the process. Analogous to our genetics, there’s variation from one person to the other. What works for me might not work for you but regardless, have an open mind. Let’s dive into it:
- Mindfulness and Being Present is Key:
When you are doing the work, you shouldn’t rush. Take your time, enjoy every moment of the work. Make sure you are MINDFUL of what you are doing and make sure you are PRESENT whilst doing it. Your mind shouldn’t be somewhere else. Focus solely on the task at hand.
- Divide your Goals into Smaller Steps:
The bigger the task, the more the sheer thought of it will feel overwhelming to you. You can’t enjoy it let alone fall head over heels for it that way. So what you need to do is quite simple. Divide the task into small units or steps. For example, let’s say you want to write a book consisting of 12 chapters. What you can decide to do is to write 1000 words per day. When you divide it into smaller steps, you won’t only fall in love with the journey, you will also be shocked by the progress you make.
- Reward yourself After you Finish the Task:
Personally, I reward myself after I complete each step of a big goal that I have mapped out. For instance, I do this by watching movies or by playing video games. Of course, it must be done with moderation.
- Stop Setting a Time For your Happiness:
We have this self-destructive habit of setting a time to be happy. For example most people say if they achieve something then and only then will they be happy. We often attach our happiness to the future. In lieu of attaching it to the present.
By attaching your happiness to the future you attach your happiness to the reward thereby setting yourself up for complete failure. On the other hand, when you attach your happiness to the present, you attach your happiness to the process or to the journey, increasing your chances of success.
Conclusion:
Falling deeply in love with the process more than the reward is paramount simply because the genuine desire for the process acts as a buffer against quitting especially when you reach a situation where you have nothing to show for your hard work — It motivates you to do the work when things aren’t going as they should.
